My first STD was from a foam party
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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