Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
