I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
