I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
