You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
