i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
