This is not my ceiling
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
soo... how was my night?
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