i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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