I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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