If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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