SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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