I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
