this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
