he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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