Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Can Purell be used as lube?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
