I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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