i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
