Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
