You took a bar mat shot.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
