I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
