I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
