Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
