i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
