I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love having hate sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
