why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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