So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
