Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
