I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
