Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
