I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
