Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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