I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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