He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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