And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
