eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
