if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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