PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
