I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I believe in your delicious
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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