You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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