We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
