i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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