i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
