the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
