I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
