No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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