Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
