I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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