well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
