Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize