ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
