I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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