At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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