we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We had to coat check the pizza.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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