and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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