So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
