why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
