fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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