I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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