I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize