She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
