Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
