is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
