just tell him i said nine months
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
