its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
