I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
