I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
