Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
