she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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