highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
