Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize