Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
