I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this just has baby written all over it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
