you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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