I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
