it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
